Finishing my degree during covid got me thinking about how my whole education is learning to be critical and base my views on facts. During covid to this day I have been stuck between two worlds: my studies (science, getting an education and being part of a society) and online life where information is full of simplification, propaganda and conspiracies (they are so easy to believe and I have noticed they affect my thinking way more easily than studying which is a slow process of learning to think critically).
During covid my friend got mad at me for not believing in Bigfoot. She actually started attacking me because I took her belief as a joke. I've also seen Tiktok full of satanic panic surrounding celebrities such as Asap Rocky, Lil Nas X and Doja Cat, and how they promote satanic messages because they are part of the illuminati and their music is low-level vibrational meant to brainwash people.
This year I got into spirituality but I was well aware of the criticism of New Age. I've been mostly interested in witchcraft, astrology, tarot, crystals, Kabbalah and Buddhism, so those circles online aren't really into cospiracies and are very critical of New Age spirituality (conspiracies, spiritual narcissism (gurus), spiritual psychosis, law of attraction, cultural appropriation, Christian morality, cult-like thinking/hivemind.)
Besides reading Doppelganger, I've been thinking about these themes because this weekend I got back into watching some cult documentaries:
- Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God (HBO)
Galactic forces and the spirit of dead celebrities, Qanon, 5G and all that. At first glance they seem like a regular hippie cult, but then it reveals that their worldview is exactly what is now popular in conspiracy circles and what Naomi Klein describes in her book Doppelganger. What made this documentary interesting was the true crime aspect of it:the death of the leader("Mother God") which could have been prevented but the followers didn't believe in medicine or hospitals.I mostly paid attention how all possible drugs were present all the time in the cult. Overall it was a very engaging documentary series.
- Twinflames (Netflix):
This was an emotional rollercoaster! The cult centers around in the belief in twin flames and the divine feminine and masculine. The cult is an online mlm with a narcissistic money hoarder man at the top. It lured in insecure women seeking for love who ended up being sexuality controlled. The cult leaders told followers what to do, to pursue their twin flame no matter how abusive or one-sided the love was. Their "Mirroring" exericise was also a mean for mind control: every trouble is traced back to yourself. That made victim-blaming common in this cult as well. Other thing in common with cults behavior: cutting ties with family and false memories of csa(this traces back to satanic panic). One of the craziest part of the documentary was how it forced people to believe they weren't their assiged gender: two divine feminine coudn't be together so that meant one of them was divine masculine and thus had to be transitioned into a man! They told they weren't homophobic but forced people to transition! It's actually the same thing Iran does for gays. Weird thing was that this transition was not only applied to gay members but all members regardless of their sexuality!
- Hillsong: A megachurch exposed (HBO)
Religion as a bussiness. The union of financial success and religion is not unknown in many American Christian sects, so many people might not see a dilemma in it. But to those who consider humbleness as part of their spiritual practise, megachurches like Hillsong might not seem to be very religious at their core, but more like succesfull bussinesses with their charismatic celebrity pastors.
The church leaders were preaching about purity and abstinence but living a complete opposite life themselves. Sometimes people reveal themselves that way, the way the talk about what other people should do with their lives and how only other people only have these problems (reminds me of some puritans online). Also the number of sexual assault the church leaders have done and organized to cover up them...I'm glad that at least some of the victims eventually got compensation but the frightening thing is that those who came forward with their story might only be the tip of the iceberg.
- Pray Away (Netflix)
Not a cult documentary specifically but this is about religious conversion therapy. The documentary surrounds around the testimonies of the ex-leaders of the ex-gay organization Exodus. When this doc came out i didnt watch it immediately because i knew it would be triggering as i have had similar experiences. I too am a survivor of religious homophobia. I had to take some pauses while watching the documentary. It didn't feel as bad as I've previously read a book called Miseducation of Cameron Post, which is a fictional book that takes place in a conversion therapy. It was one of the hardest reads and it's a book that's stuck with me. What I find common with cults is mixture of faith and pseudo-psychology (and again, the talk about the feminine and the masculine, which is also popular in New Age and suprise suprise not that different from the Christian worldview.)
Some thoughts on the spiritual world:
Antisemitism
At the core of many conspiracies, including Qanon, is the belief that "reptilians" "they" "Hollyweird" "Big Pharma" control our world. Many of those are euphenisms of Jewish people.This video on satanic panic: shows the history of antisemitic conspiracies from medieval Europe to American satanic panic to Qanon that are all rooted in antisemitism. It also discusses a phenomenon of false memories of child ritualistic sexual abuse (some cults use this to this day.) I think it's a a powerful, emotional way to control people because it's the worst thing you could imagine. But those who do it are organized, part of "them", which usually means people(men) of color. This kind of thinking is used during wartime and by right wingers as well. Many critical of conspiracies talk about the New age to far right pipeline.Now during the Israel-Palestine war more and more people spread their antisemitic conspiracies how Jews control the world. Becoming vocal critic of such thoughts and people is important more than ever.
The Female Consciousness
(TW: contains discussion on sexual violence)
In Satoshi Kon's film Perfect Blue(1997) the main female character's mind is split in two. Her doppelganger takes over her life. The double is the performer who men lust over. The double becomes aggressive and seeks to destroy her normal counterpart.This film has stayed with me for a long time and I consider it one of my favorite films.
I am, like many people online this day, interested in female rage. In the beginning of my witchcraft I knew I wanted to contact Lilith because I had trouble with my sexuality and my feelings of anger. Although I'm critical in the spiritual concepts of divine masculine and feminine energy, I don't know what they mean because as a lesbian I've always felt disconnect to my gender and felt more like a "half a woman". Regardless of that I knew I wanted to work with female demons. I had a lot of feminist rage as well. For a short while I was more involved with radical feminism, which I see is the only outlet that expresses this manifestation of women's anger over their oppression. I was so mad at world for the misogyny I and other women have faced. It is a sort of trauma. Later in the year when I realized I was a lesbian I let go of misandry because I realized I no longer want to think about men in any way! A lot of my hatred for men was also because I thought I had to be involved with them when in fact i felt nothing for them romantically or sexually. As the time went by I grew tired of the online manifestation of anger and specifically the more hateful parts of radical feminism such as TERFs. I once watched this documentary on right wing women and all the ex-members told they joined the group after being sexually abused. Sexual violence is a radicalizing factor for women. I think this is how I approach (some parts of) radical feminism these days although I don't share every view with them anymore.Overall, radical political, religious and spiritual communities alike can be a dangerous place for vulnerable women, because so many of those places do victim blaming and are blind to the abuse that is happening in their own community.
Although I wouldn't call myself a radfem anymore they still shaped my view on feminism to be more critical. For example, I noticed during the Israel-Palestine war how people undermine the discussion on why rape is part of war but people from each side of the conflict want to undermine it or spread propaganda that their side didn't do it at all. People have told feminists that the war isn't a gender issue. Why do women suffer through sexual violence during war, from their own men and their enemy? That is the question many feminists have asked but lot of people don't want to answer it. To see sexual violence as normal or justified will never be right in my eyes.It is way too undermined topic in my opinion because rape culture is still very much alive. Metoo movement has changed things but misogyny is so prevalent that there is much work to do. Sexual violence or the threat of it affects all women, half of the world's population. It shoudn't be taken lightly. Women are also allowed to be angry about it.
Echart Tolle in his book Power of Now speaks of the pain body and how women are closer to englightment than men because of it. It's a thought that I agreed first when I heard it: women are more in contact with their feelings, their body, and tuning in emphatically with other people. He also talked about the historical burden that women carry within their bodies, and extends his idea to include some groups of people who have gone through systematic oppression. The though of the female pain body reminds me of the horror film Martyrs(2008) I watched last month, how the organization that tortured picked up young women specifically. Also in the anime Madoka Magica the magical girls are selected because girls going through puberty have a lot of emotional energy that can be harvested. But the more I thought about it and the pain the women I know have gone through I started to detest that thought. Misogyny and "meaningful suffering": I do not believe that suffering makes us better people. I do believe it can set us to seek a spiritual path as a way to get out of it but a lot of times suffering does the opposite: it makes us bitter, egoistic, stuck in trauma, unable to see a world beyond it. You are more vulnerable then to be exploited by other people, to seek community in hate groups. I don't believe in messages from the universe or that everything was meant to be. Not everything is a learning lesson, especially pain. I think human suffering is so incomprehensible that people want to put it in neat boxes to make it serve them: make it a sexual fetish of it or a spiritual path to become a better person or part of a success story of what motivated to get better in life. These are all stories we tell about our lives. Why do you tell a specific story? Because you want to escape the pain? For me meditation has helped me to stay still, not to ignore the pain but not focus on it either. It simply is. I can't control pain but I can control my thoughts about it.
Abuse victims and Disability
Cults pry on the vulnerable. A lot of the people who fall into them have some sort of mentall illness. Disability, in my opinion, is usually approached from two perspective: everything is in your hands(hard work, mindset, manifestation will get you better) vs everything to blame for is other people (victimization, black-and-white thinking, cycle of trauma). I talked about this with my therapist and she told me there must be a third way, but if you're mentally ill it might be difficult to see nuance.
In a lot of New Age practises(and some Christian beliefs) it is believed that everything can be healed through thoughts and energy. This is initially
victim blaming and ableist. Many people during their recovery have to learn to live WITH their illness, not to pray for a better "normal" self although you are working to become a healthier version of yourself. BUT what I think these "holistic" methods of healing might offer is a solution for some psychosomatic symtoms in a way placebo drugs work. For example, when I'm doing really bad my stomach doesn't work and I know it's because of anxiety and it's in my head. But that is only the physical manifestation of my psychological illness.
For me recovery has been becoming more empathic, critical, nuanced, and following what the Buddhists call "a middle path". My mentall illness makes me think of everything in extremes and that seems to be the case with many people online.
The appeal of cults and religion: I'm thinking about how life becomes easier once you have a community and a set of rules how to think and act.
To have the certainty to believe in something 100%. It's kind of like turning your brain off. It's actually much more harder to live without it. That's what many ex-cultist tell about, how they had lots of great memories especially for having a community in this individualistic world.
I recently talked with my friend how being gay is being rebellious, you automatically are now outside the norm even though you are the most comformist normal nonpolitical person. It's not easy for a lot of gay people to accept that you are now considered outside the society. I beileve it's also kind of a trauma we carry. We too are a vulnerable group that is targeted by all kinds of hateful people. We seek community more than anyone else. It's everyone's responsibility to create a community where they feel safe and accepted
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
